tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
My penis needs a shock collar
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
