Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
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Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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