My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
