whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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