he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
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