Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
