apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
A+ Viking dick
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