yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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