my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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