She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
