the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
