so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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