I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
