stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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