i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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