I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
