I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
