i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
There's always time for handjobs
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I have tasted many bathrooms
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
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