he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
