My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
