You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
May the power of my ass compel you!!
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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