I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
My vagina just clenched in fear
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
