She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
