her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Randomize