Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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