It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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