ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
