just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
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