There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Holy sore nipples Batman
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
