You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
