I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
