Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
