i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
