I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
