I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
What a dumb baby whore.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
