NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
