At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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