i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
