I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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