great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
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