If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
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