this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
