Do you still have your period?
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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