I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
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