my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I'm sobbing to NWA
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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