actually, I'm a sock model
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
