Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
