Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I have aggressive nipples.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
