Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
