Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Randomize