I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Did you pee in the oven last night??
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
