nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
