Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
50% drunk capacity currently
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
