I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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