i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
