You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Randomize
