hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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