I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
