Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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