no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
