i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Just pee around me
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Randomize
