When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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