You just made me feel so damn special
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
