mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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