VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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