in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
