When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
