just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I DEMAND FORESKIN
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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