Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
