help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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