He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
